maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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