you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
