I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
