Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
