how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
