apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
