so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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