it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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