carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
