i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
