That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize