I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
