How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
