At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
FUCK WHALES
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