Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
