She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
