In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
