i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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