We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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