Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
