I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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