wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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