I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
