In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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