about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize