eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
