ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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