mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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