based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just google imaged poop.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
