Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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