I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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