I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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