I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
