When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
