Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
