if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
