Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize