He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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