The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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