wat bout pragnant strippers??
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
