yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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