The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I lost the right to judge tonight
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize