i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
