Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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