Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
