I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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