just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
