The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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