I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
