Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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