he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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