They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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