I wish i was in the wii world.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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