I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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