His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
