i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
well you can't waste a boner
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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