The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
