Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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