Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
