is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
