How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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