is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
