I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
