susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
